Thursday, August 20, 2009

I'm back baby!!!!

My long awaited return to the blogging world is finally over.  Thanks for all the letters and gifts from my loyal fans and readers. (You know who you are.)  So without further delay, its time to get rolling.

So a few weeks ago Mom and Dad took me to the doctors.  No its not a typo, its supposed to be plural.  I went to two different doctors in one week.  Lets get one thing straight; I do not like doctors.  First of all I don't even remember being sick, but off to the quack I went anyways.  The first one I went to was with mom and Ree-ree.  As we entered the room I noticed her PhD hanging on the wall; it smelt like a box of Cracker Jacks.  She was mostly sinister and she convinced my dear sweet mother to quit breast feeding entirely without asking me if it would be ok first.  It was not ok with me.  I have never met a hippie doctor before, and this doctor was surely a hippie.  Its true, I saw a picture of her in the dictionary right next to the definition of Wood Stock.   She was very organic too, recommending that my parents start putting me on a diet of soy formula.  (Yes it tastes as gross as it sounds.) Things really got interesting when she asked my mom if she was "into new age healing."  I tried to hold the laughter in, but mom said yes.  Puzzled I looked up at her trying to figure out why she said yes, when clearly "no" was the appropriate response.  It was then that the doc suggested acupuncture, surely mom would draw the line now.  Nope and out came the needles.  Petrified at the sight, I froze, stiff as a bored.  After the doctor began I heard mom say "Wow, look at how relaxed he is." I guess relaxed is one word to describe it, not one that I would have used though.  Towards the end of the acupuncture however,  I was very relaxed.  Overall it was not a pleasant experience.
When we left we headed back home and I was relieved to see dad was there.  He was just as shocked as I was about about doctor earth and the acupuncture.  I knew I liked dad for a reason.  The joy was short lived though because it was then that I over heard mom and dad talking about taking me to my regular doctor just four days later.  

Action needs to be taken.  I need to give my parents up for adoption, enough is enough.  After doing my research though apparently I have to be 18 to due that.  Well on October 19'th I will be 18 weeks, so if anybody needs some new parents, mine will be available.
Back to my doctor nightmare. 

 So five days later we head back to yet another doctor.  My cup runath over.  This doctor seemed to be a bit more legitimate though, there wasn't any incense or pictures of Ghandi on the wall.  So after they did a quick check up on me (a quick poke and a prod)  the Doctor asked if they had any questions for her.  They had a few. Patiently I waited for my turn at the Q and A, but it never came.  I was furious.  I had a ton of questions to ask, like; How do I get my legs to work? or; How Do I get mom and dad to take more naps? Did I get chance to ask any of those? No! Not one! To make things worse she told my parents that I should be taking prevacid, thats right, more medicine.  When she left, her nurse came in with a huge needle, and unlike the acupuncture this one hurt; bad.  On a side note though, I never knew I could scream that loud, it was a new personal best.

Well that about wraps it up, remember to mark October 19'th on the calendar.
Until next time, Salutations.

PS.  On a separate and completely unrelated topic to the above blog, I am eating better, sleeping better, and crying less.  Still can't figure out why.


At August 20, 2009 at 8:18 PM , Blogger Carissa said...

Oh man I love this post! It cracked me up! :)


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